Wednesday, November 12, 2008
Just stop by
Growing up we never just stopped by a friends house and we never had people just stop by ours. I would never just show up unannounced to a friends house, I would feel so uncomfortable. Okay wait, I have gone to a neighbors house and asked if they wanted to walk to the park with me, but never to invite myself in. In high school we almost always went home right after school and did not just hang out with friends. In some ways I am still a little uncomfortable with the whole hanging out thing. I always am nervous about staying longer than I should, like I will not know when the host wants me to leave. I have gotten better especially with my close friends, but I still need some work. My mom grew up with a large extended family close by and she lived with her mom and grandpa. On the weekends she told me that all of her aunts, uncles and cousins would come over to see her grandpa, so she was used to people just stopping by. I asked her why we never did it and she said that she did once and the friend made her feel so uncomfortable she never did it again. I would not mind if someone just stopped by my house, but I guess I would probably prefer they call and say they are in the area and make sure it is okay. I have a really hard time asking someone if I can come over, it is just so not natural to me. I wish I could do it and will work on it in the future. How do you pick up the phone and say "Hi can I come over" without feeling uncomfortable and like it is inappropriate?
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See, I think that's a New England thing...when I was growing up if you were in someone's neighborhood and didn't stop by, that would be an insult. In fact, friends have told me that they were in my neighborhood and I have had to work not to feel insulted that they didn't call and drop by. The call beforehand is nice but it's such a nice surprise to have someone show up on your doorstep (to me, anyway).
ReplyDeleteI've even described someone as a "drop in" friend, as in you are such good friends that you would feel comfortable dropping in on them (and vice versa).
ReplyDeleteI totally understand, but I would also find it a nice surprise. To call first is good, but not necessary. If we're home, it pretty much means there isn't much going on with us anyway!
ReplyDeleteOkay, I know it is highly unlikely that you would ever "just be in the neigborhood," but if you are, please stop by. We would love it!
ReplyDeleteGrowing up with a large extended family, there was always someone to drop in on or someone dropping by. Mark and I love having people come by, although with the advent of the cell phone, a call can be a good thing. Seriously, I'd welcome a drop in from you anytime!
ReplyDeleteI remember before I was married, my group of friends was like that. And there were houses and apartments that were the drop-in places... where if you popped in you would likely find other friends there who had done the same thing.
ReplyDeleteIn this day, though, where we all have kids, and we move so swiftly from breakfast to errands to lunch to nap to carpool to dinner, I always feel like someone dropping in would put a big chink in my plans.
But when it happens? I am always so happy for the conversation and wonder why we don't do it more often.