Tuesday, September 15, 2009


I think I have cried more in the last week than I have all year. Porter's transition to full time school has been way more difficult than I ever imagined. He has been crying when we leave and yesterday was the day that changed me. I was too busy thinking about what I was going to do in all my "free time" that I forgot how to be a good parent.
I left Porter yesterday and walked out the door after many kisses and hugs.
I heard him scream for me and cry.
I watched another mom pick him up and comfort him.
My heart broke.
I went home and cried.
I felt like a failure.
I was clearly doing the wrong things for my child.
He needed me and I wasn't there.
So I talked to Jason and we decided that I would spend as much time in the class as I could until he was comfortable. I spent four hours at the school yesterday and he had a good day. I left this morning and he didn't cry, the promise of a new Bakugon helped with that. The great thing is that the teacher is okay with me taking Liesl, so I can be there as much as possible. I am off to spend some time at the school now.


  1. i'm so sorry! sounds like you are doing exactly the right things for your children...recognizing where you can be better and being there for them...

  2. Clair (cbaca415@yahoo.com)4:37 PM

    It's been a while since I commented, but I am still here keeping up with you and the kids. I'm sorry Porter is having a rough transition to school. Jonah also started K (in August, though). He actually *seemed* to be doing ok. No tears, making friends, enjoying school, etc. But I saw his behavior change at home. He was more sullen, withdrawn and moody. I finally realized that it was because they have "student of the day" and the kids are asked to talk about their families. I think hearing about other kids talking about having a mom & dad at home opened up some feelings about the divorce that he hadn't fully dealt with. But we started to talk about it a little and he is doing much better. It was rough there for a few weeks, though. For me, it was so much easier when Jonah was a baby. I just seemed to know what was right. Dealing with a child is significantly more complex and I feel like I get things wrong all the time. It takes so much more effort and thought to figure out where his behaviors are coming from and what he needs to be ok. Hang in there. This being a mom stuff can be rough.